Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
