Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
