Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
