Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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