Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
