Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
