So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
