I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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