I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
