And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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