If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
