I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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