Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
