apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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