i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
high people should be assigned attendants
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
