last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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