We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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