plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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