i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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