Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
