I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
3pm strippers are depressing
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
