I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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