i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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