I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
