I'm drive I can fine osifer
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
