I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
