barbara walters just said penis...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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