Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He did a backflip because drugs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
