it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm like, not good at living.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
