you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
