my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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