Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
