I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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