How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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