enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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