uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
