You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
