soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
