I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
