my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were trust falling into bushes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
