Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
