I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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