I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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