Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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