im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
