So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
