Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize