Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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