Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
