my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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