fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
