Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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