yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
