I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
