a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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