k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
