We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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