Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
