If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
