Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
