We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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