This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
