Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My life is pants optional.
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