I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
