You smell like stripper and shame
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
