Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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