I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
