Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
