Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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