just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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