What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
