He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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